Love is the one feeling in this world that will make you feel invincible, bring a smile from ear to ear and make you cry with joy. Without love we are hollow shells of nothingness. But the one person's love you actually need is your own. Valentines day has always been a day filled with lots of hope, tons of great ideas, and a lousy pay off. Just goes to show that you can't create memories of love, love will find it's way into your memories whether you try or not. In my head I can create the most spectacular day of all and on the day it can never live up to my imagination. So my new outlook on the big V day is that the less you try with your brain and the more you try with your heart, the better the day will be.

Love can consume you, swallow you up whole and spit you out feeling alone, broken, and in need of a miracle to get you on your feet again. The feeling of lost love is as if your heart has been torn from your chest and will never see the light of day again. The symbol I see in this is that love can only be given away and it's up to you to keep enough for yourself.

For most of my life it was much easier to give everything I had emotionally to others and I never kept anything for myself. I'd keep my opinions to myself just in case my thoughts would possibly hurt someone. I would care so much about a friends hopelessness I'd trade in my hours for their happiness. As long as those around me were smiling then I felt that my purpose in life had been met. When a boyfriend came into my life it was then my chance to give all the love I had in myself to them and shower them with affection. As long as they felt special I just knew I would feel complete. Sadly it was always far from the truth. The more I gave the less I had for myself and the emptier I felt. If the people in my life ever felt sad or angry I just knew it had to be my fault. Nothing was ever enough.

Years of "therapy" later, new morals, and a new life to call my own I know that love is not just a feeling it is a way of life. I'm not anti-Valentines day but I do believe that the love this day stands for is the special potion we have to find in our everyday lives. This Valentines day I want to feel pretty, take a warm bath with candles and treat myself like a princess. I want to wear my favorite perfume and I want to face the day with a special little love smile. The practice I put into feeling good on this one special day will represent the practice I need to incorporate into my silly life.

By spending too much time trying to stand out, act the part, and force our powers on the food chain to move forward I forget sometimes that life is short. We are the creators of our own realities and even though the silly things we do to make ourselves feel good may seem pretentious... It's worth it if for one second you feel the Valentines sort of love in your heart for yourself. When you radiate on the inside you will radiate on the exterior as well.

Happy Valentines DAY!!!!