We are all vulnerable beings. The underlying truth in our heart is the strong want for love and acceptance. The secret is finding it within yourself. Once you master the skill you become an attraction for everything you put out into the universe to be received. Often times we hold ourselves back. For instance, for the longest time I told myself I wasn’t ready to forgive my Father. But everything I had learned through my spirituality taught me the only way to transition is to find compassion for his way of life.

My Father has always been a stubborn man set firmly in his beliefs and views in life. We never agreed on subjects pertaining to race and equality. These differences in belief often led to arguments and dangerous outrages. Both of us were too stubborn in our strong willed beliefs to back down or even agree to disagree. The anger and misunderstood feelings I harbored created cycles in my own life. What I wanted most in life was a good healthy relationship filled with love and understanding. Instead, I attracted relationships reminiscent of what my Father and I had never fixed. I felt unlovable due to all the negative feelings I was harboring. In all my relationships I felt I had to dedicate myself to  giving to make up for my broken past, even when what I received didn’t measure up.

Through spiritual practice and guidance I know happiness only comes through pure love. Once you master that, in you and for others, the cycles of negativity will be cut and you can attract the right people into your life. Facing the fear, forgiving my past and coming to terms with it all hasn’t been easy. I had years of feeling, remembering, crying, and opening up about the fear. I turned to God, I prayed to Amma, I met amazing spiritual healers along my journey. I read books from Paulo Coelho, and memoirs of others who had endured tough situations. I studied different religions and tried all different methods of mind, body, and spirit work. I was looking for answers everywhere. I finally realized there is no real answer to pain and suffering. Nothing can cure you of your feelings except your own mind. I couldn’t be in search of a father, daughter relationship that had never existed. I could no longer be mad at the world for not giving me the relationship I thought I should have had. The realistic answer was to find forgiveness and compassion in my heart then seek out whatever relationship I was supposed to have under my own special circumstances.

I faced my fears and followed my heart. I now understand that He is set in his ways and his daughter will never change that. I finally came to the conclusion that it has nothing to do with love it’s just difference in opinion. Two passionate people refusing to back down from their beliefs can be harmful in an uncontrollable environment. I know I need to be smart about my choices. If alcohol is involved I set boundaries and walk away or go to bed when I see fit. I can gauge my relationship with him by choosing our time spent together wisely. This makes it easier to be comfortable enough to start a new relationship in sober times. Who knows, through years of setting a positive example, anything is possible.

You don’t choose your family and you do your best to find common ground and connection. Small-minded people are filled with hate but the choice to not hate in return is the change that needs to happen. The foundation of family teaches us about love and loss. When we leave home we journey into the big world with the ability to choose the people that surround us. Freeing yourself from the fear of what family and friends may think of your choices is the key to unlocking personal freedom.

If you believe you are broken and can never be fixed…then it is written. Finding forgiveness for my Father was for no other reason then for myself. I wanted relationships in life filled with understanding and love. By spending energy dwelling in past hardships I become unavailable in the now. The only thing keeping me from what I wanted more then anything was my own mind. Be aware of your heart, mind, and soul. Acknowledge your feelings and take steps in training them to be peaceful, loving and harmonious. Our inner dialogue has a tendency to be poisonous. Do the work now to prepare for the future you’ve always dreamed of.

“There’s no such thing as bad people, just bad choices”