My belief is that I chose my life. I entered a world of alcohol and drug abuse, molestation, and rape as tests. I  choose to believe that I’ve lived many lifetimes learning lessons so that one day I could reach enlightenment. I believe that in this lifetime my divine purpose is to use the knowledge I have acquired to transition into a world of understanding peace through compassion. God tested my strength many times and gave me many obstacles to overcome in order to have the lessons to attain the tools. The tools are the practice of living with true love and compassion in my heart. Love is my religion.

In the Bible I compare my circumstances and choice to overcome situations to the story of David and Goliath. David was the shepherd who found himself facing a Giant named Goliath. David trusted himself and in a higher power whole-heartedly enough he was able to stand up to the Giant. He served his purpose by beating Goliath. To me, Goliath stands for all the obstacles in life. Mental, physical, and sexual abuse are all metaphors for giants in my life. I had to face these Giants and make choices to either be beat down or to rise above. These are the tests that unlock the bravery within. 

The reason why bad situations happen in my eyes is so I am able to learn from them. Each obstacle has given me the chance to fall down, feel and learn. The lesson comes when i get back up and continue to fight the Giant. I fight  for the beauty of my dreams and the good life has to offer.Their will always be someone there to tell you you aren’t good enough. It’s up to you to understand the only opinion that matters is your own. The lows in life has given me the tools I need to accomplish my dreams, to discover my passions, and unlock my fairy-tale. The lessons in each has given me an understanding of my self worth through time and practice. Every time I fall I get back up with more knowledge and more tools to go further in life.

The understanding behind other peoples choices is simply impossible. We can do our best to understand their choices by seeing through what we can gather in our mind as their perspective. Seperate yourself and detach from other’s wrong doings. Know in your heart what is good and what is bad. The key to everything in life is balance. Just because you have been around an alcoholic doesn’t mean you will be too. It just means that you have been gifted with the lesson of self control. The test is to see all beings through a loving and compassionate heart. Strength is found through finding forgiveness in ourselves for other people’s choices and wrong doings. It is continually done by forgiving ourselves of any guilt we may harbor because of it.  No human being will ever fully understand another human beings choices or actions fully. 

The questions of “Why?”, and “Why me?”, will keep you locked away in your own minds prison leading to depression, cutting, or suicide. Wallowing in your own sorrows is the reason we fall into harm. It is one thing to feel and release it is another to get stuck in a cycle of self pity. The pain and suffering is the clue that we are not living our purpose. When you believe you are a tortured soul then it is written that you are a tortured soul. It’s a mater of choice. Choose to break free and live as a survivor. Fly free from the prison of your mind and soar in the beauty of your dreams. Look around because life is what you make of it. “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” No amount of abuse is worth your demise.

I take time every single day to give thanks to my higher power for my talent, for my journey, and for everyone involved. I ask to shine light and love through my presence. I ask for Amma to be with me and guide me. Then I say to myself, “I am serving a purpose, bigger then myself.” I take a moment to be grateful for what i have in life and know in my heart that nothing else matters more then the moment I am in. To some it may seem silly, to me it is the answer in being grounded and thankful. It is “my” answer to living a life filled with purpose and beauty.  It is up to you to find “your” answer. 

I have rituals i practice to keep me grounded in the sanctuary of my own space. I light incense and candles, I spray aura spray to rid my room of negative energies. At times I burn sage to do the same. I ask my Angel cards to give me guidance in my life purpose and I listen to their messages. I contemplate the message and write in my journal what it means to me and how it pertains to my life. When I do my makeup before every show I have a picture of Amma on one side of my mirror and a picture of Micheal Jackson on stage with his white glove on the other. Between the two I keep cards, stuffed animals, and gifts from fans as reminders that i am in the right place and divinely guided. I need my rituals and beliefs in order to stay grounded. As long as i have all of these things I know that I am doing the work so that I am available to do my best. To me this is all part of the work in keeping me on the right track. When I feel that I am serving a bigger purpose then nothing else matters. Whatever you need for practice in your life’s purpose work is worth having. You choose what your purpose is in life through soul searching.

God is the image we strive to be. The thing we believe in that lives from compassion and love in all situations for all people. Our purpose in life is to make choices based upon the beliefs we have obtained in serving our higher self. To be like our God and choose righteously in every situation we face.  Once you obtain knowledge through experience you have the responsibility to apply it to your life. We have all lived through horrible situations, nobody is alone and as bad as your life may seem, someone out there has had it worse.  

"We are divinely guided"